Understanding Pikmin terms
by Pikazilla
Summary: Don't know crap about pikmin? Let me teach you.
1. Pikmin

Pikmin want to follow Olimar forever, which can be a bad idea since Olimar lives on a planet with almost no oxygen.

Red pikmin look like a red Pinocchio. They are the only pikmin that has a nose, but any pikmin can sent smells. They are immune to fire, which should be hard to find in the wild on a normal day. However, there are plenty of flamethrowers and fire based enemies. How do these enemies not cause wildfires? That nose also is useful in battle. By jamming their spear like nose into their foes, their attack power becomes stronger than the average pikmin.

Yellow pikmin are Dumbo like pikmin. They have very large ears, but it's unknown if they are useful in any way. They are actually lighter than normal pikmin, and due to their ears doubling as wings, they can be tossed very high and fall down a little bit slowly. They used to carry deadly, explosive rocks that can predetonate and kill them, but the small rocks became extinct in less than 30 days. The only explosive rocks left were too heavy to be carried. Now, it has been discovered that Yellow pikmin are immune to electricity and STDs.

Blue pikmin are depressed, emo pikmin. They are the only pikmin with a mouth, even though pikmin can eat without a visible mouth. This pikmin's mouth double as gills and let it breath underwater. All pikmin can't swim and all but the blue pikmin can drown to death in just 10 seconds. The blue pikmin walks underwater instead of swimming.

Purple pikmin are overweight sumo wrestler pikmin. They believe that their fat and hair makes them really attractive to the female pikmin, but since pikmin reproduce asexually (or so they say), any pikmin is a female pikmin. Before you fantasize a lesbian pikmin orgy, let's talk about the good things about purple pikmin. Purple pikmin are heavy enough to stun large foes and kill smaller enemies. Many bulborbs say getting hit by purple pikmin is like getting hit by a lead weight, or yo mama. Their sumo fatness makes them unbeatable in the battlefield, especially since they are 10 times stronger than any other pikmin.

White pikmin are the smallest pikmin and have alien eyes. These hypnotizing eyes produce x-rays, making their foes radioactive and giving the pikmin x-ray vision. These pikmin are really fast, making them win the pikmin Olympics easily. Last year's winner stated that 'I won because I'm a white guy'. This same pikmin almost got beaten to death two days later. White pikmin eat poisonous things due to their suicidal nature. Their bodies quickly gave the white pikmin immunity to almost all types of poisons. The poisons stay in their bodies, doing no harm to the pikmin, but makes the pikmin itself poisonous and creates poisonous gasses. The most poisonous gasses are released from farting, burping and making out. This is why white pikmin only date white pikmin, because making out with them can mean instant death for other pikmin.

Bulbmin are medium sized bulborbs that have a pikmin parasite infecting their brain. Their offspring will also get the virus too. The baby bulmin follow mommy around, hoping that she'll breastfeed her children, but instead, they have to eat the white pikmin, and each white pikmin tastes like crap. Strangely, they are immune to all of the 'natural' hazards (electricity, poison and fire) and they can swim. Why are these pikmin so cheap? Well you need to kill their mother first before you can get them. Once she dies, the bulbmin freak out and run in circles. But they aren't really loyal since they quickly go to your side if you call them over. Also, they are afraid of going above ground. Why? It's more dangerous staying below ground with falling rocks, bottomless pits and giant bosses.

If you want to be a pikmin, then there's a way to become one! All you have to do is die and have the pikmin carry your carcass to their onion. You can be revived as a pikmin, complete with a leaf on your head. However, you better not be the captain of the pikmin. The pikmin can only be plucked by the captain, and if you're a pikmin, no one will pluck you. Big mistake…


	2. Onions and Pellets

Pellets should not be confused with bird pellets. The pellets from pellet posies are solidified nectar crystals that have plenty of vitamins and minerals. Bird pellets are piles of vomit by birds of prey. Pellet posies are flowers with a pellet on their head. Removing the heavy, lose pellet instantly kills the plant. However, the plant re-grows in about three days. They can be found in many Polar Regions of the world. Pikmin carry these pellets to their onions.

Pikmin onions are not eatable, despite their name. Onions are spaceships that seem to be created by very advanced technology, despite the fact that pikmin are feral animals. What created these… things? Since pikmin can't lay eggs or get pregnant (unfortunately), the only form of reproduction is… using onions. Just send any organic substance like dead bodies, bird skulls or piles of crap that is just lying around to the onion. Once in there, the onion does some… unspeakable actions that causes it to create pikmin seeds. Even if the pikmin species go extinct, they can produce more seeds. The pikmin will never die! (completely)

The purple and white pikmin couldn't find their onions (they left their keys in the onion and some teenagers stole them). They are forced to sleep in Olimar's bed on his two man spaceship. Imagine having 200 pikmin sleeping with you? Luckily, pikmin can't rape you if you are always in your spacesuit. Remember to not bring the pikmin to your oxygen free planet, or else…


	3. WARNING

This novel has ended production, possibly forever. However, if you have any ideas or a new chapter for the story, submit them to Pikazilla.


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